Poop on Valentine’s Day
5th grade
February 13, 1979: Dear Diary, Mike M. is the love of my life. I wonder if he’ll bring me flowers tomorrow? I think I’m going to marry him.
February 14, 1979: Dear Diary, Worst day of my life! Mike M. gave me a stupid pencil for Valentine’s Day. And it was already sharpened! He gave Julie B. chocolates. I hope she gets fat. I think the pencil came from his desk. The end was chewed.
6th grade
February 13, 1980: Dear Diary, Mark L. is my one true love. I think Mark’s going to ask me to couple skate at the roller skating party tomorrow night, which means we would have to HOLD HANDS!
February 14, 1980: Dear Diary, Mark L. is a jerk! You know what song he asked me to couple skate to? AFTER THE LOVE IS GONE! Then he asked Teresa B. to a slow skate & guess what song THEY skated to? Babe I Love You. And of course Teresa B. had to show off & skate backwards during the song. My heart is broken. I will never love again.
Present Day, 2014
I thoroughly & vigilantly dislike Valentine’s Day.
Completely beside the fact that my early experiences of the “holiday” obviously set the precedent for deep & lasting heart break, the 35 years since have taught me a lot about our societal obsession with coupling.
As an adult I’ve spent many years alone. Some years by choice, some years not. In the time as a single person, I experienced immense pressure to “find someone” because living life alone is so pathetic & sad.
Translation: being with a jackass, someone who treats me like shit or bores me to the point I stick toothpicks between my 2 front teeth, is better than being alone.
I so disagree with that thinking.
There are advantages & blessings of both being partnered & being single, just as there sacrifices to both.
I despise our culture’s insistence that we should pity people who are single. That pity–both external & internal–runs rampant the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day.
I enjoyed the majority of my time as a single woman. Yes, there were times of feeling lonely, longing for someone to share my days with. But I also had no one pulling on my time or energy. I was free to do anything, go anywhere, without answering to anyone but myself.
I came to appreciate hanging with just myself. I discovered that I’m pretty good company. And because of that time alone, I grew into a place of self-acceptance that allowed me to fully embrace a relationship when it knocked on my door.
Until I was ok being alone, I stunk at being someone’s girlfriend.
So this Valentine’s Day, celebrate the singles in your life. Don’t bring them a pity casserole or suggest they join Match.com. They may be perfectly satisfied with the independent, un-tethered life they are living.
20 Comments
Submit a Comment
Social Media
As usual, well said my friend! I enjoy seeing glimpses of your childhood, because those experiences have framed your adulthood. Again, well written, witty and humorous. More please…
Thanks, Steph. It was fun remembering those early experiences of “love” at the age of 11 & 12. So dramatic, so life-encompassing! Ha!
I loved it, and it’s so true. I have to say that I wish I weren’t alone now—-even though your dad forgot Valentine’s Day unless I reminded him. 🙂 But since I can’t change what has happened, I am okay with being alone—-certainly not looking for another husband or even a companion. I am blessed to have a loving family, wonderful friends, and a good life—-and especially blessed to have my Lord. What else do I need?
Thought about you when I wrote this, Mom. Even before Dad died, you were a great example of how to enjoy your own company. You never seemed to hate being alone, & that proved a great lesson for me.
So true, so true, so true. I hate Valentine’s Day too. It’s just rude to insist that I show my love just because there’s a date on the calendar. Bull! I revolt against that. I too, had my heart broken by many boys in school – the little jerks. I bought a card years ago which makes me laugh uncontrollably every Valentine’s Day even though I’ve been happily married for 23 years now. I guess the sarcastic and defiant b_t_h inside still rears her ugly head once a year.
On the cover of the card is a golden retriever with a blonde curly wig on, a French beret, sparkly cat-eye sunglasses and a cigarette in his mouth. There’s a martini with an olive sitting in front of him. Inside the card it says,
“I hate love.
Love is stupid.
I spit on Valentine’s Day.”
Ha ha haha ha! love that and you! Leslie
Ha! You’re awesome, Leslie. Thanks for such a good laugh & for being YOU!
Poop indeed on all those who fail to see the joys of living comfortably in one’s own skin. While I feel for your poor heart in your grade-school days, I did laugh out loud. Thanks for that. Happy Valentine’s Day!
You really can’t help but laugh, yet when Kelci joked around last night about getting me a pencil for a gift, my hackles went up immediately, & 35 years later I thought, “too soon”! What is that? Completely unexpected. 🙂 Weird how the stuff stays with us. I’m glad you laughed out loud, though–I laughed out loud while I wrote it.
There is nothing wrong with being single. Anybody who feels that marriage is for everybody should read 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 and Matthew 19. God can make use of everybody in all situations, and we are all blessed because of that.
Thanks, Don. So good to hear from you & be reminded of the joys & blessings in the diversity of gifts we each possess.
I believe you have moved beyond both Mike and Mark. And Julie didn’t get fat. But I’m glad you learned to truly enjoy your own company! It’s a gift many never realize, and often ends in heartbreak. A terrible companion is never better than no companion at all. Happy you were lucky to have found wonderful companionship with both yourself, and someone else!
I remember in college my senior year I lived down the road from a little bar & grill, & would often go there to study & have a beer to get some alone time. I told one of my teammates what I was doing, & she was traumatized by the idea of dining alone. She said being alone & having to eat alone in a restaurant was her worst fear. I’ve often wondered if she ever out-grew that fear. And no, Julie did not get fat. Lol!
Well said. This past couple of years have taught me just to be. You know, I like me. No validation needed.Always looked outside of me for it. I have a diary too, I r.ead not so long ago and laughed
“No validation needed.” Love those words, Wanda. I think they will become part of my daily mantra. It continues to amaze me how even with so many years of lessons & experience, I still sometimes fall back into looking outside myself for approval until I pull myself back in & get a grip. It’s like second nature that I really wish would go away! Two steps forward, one step back…
Okay, I have to ask . . . who is Teresa B. that you are referring to??? Is it me??? I’m hoping not because I don’t know who Mike M. or Mark L. are?? – LOL!!!
Lol! Hey there, Theresa. I actually can’t remember who stole my couples skate date that year. The name is in my diary which is still in Ohio. I did have you in my memory though. I thought about asking my mom to check the diary, but I didn’t want her to know all my secrets. 🙂 Thanks for setting the facts straight. So good to hear from you!
lmao! I love u… will u be my valentine?
WHATEVER! And no pencils.
Love it! I’m trying to convince Maddi that there is nothing wrong with single. It’s actually good to get to know yourself, not someone else’s version of you.
I never thought of it like that–when you’re in a relationship, the prevailing image of yourself often comes from the perspective of someone else–someone other than you. Very interesting. And I really believe that parents determine the majority of their kids’ feelings about being alone. If you learn from mom & dad that being by yourself is horrible, then that belief is difficult to overcome as you come into your own awareness. The societal beliefs are still ungodly strong (watch an hour of Disney), but ultimately if the real, every day, tangible role models love their alone time, a kid will likely follow suit. Maddi is lucky to have you as an example.